"I want to get better, whatever the hell that means. I'm sick of being miserable."

A quote by Gregory House, M.D.

I know that really, these super extra strength horse pill-sized antibiotics are actually making me feel better, because the rash and scarring from my Shingles is going down ALOT. The pain, However is increasing like a bitch ( excuse the language), which is why I'm still taking Vicoden. When you mix the two pills together, I'm pretty much knocked out for the day, and if I'm not asleep, I feel like a zombie, like right now.
I feel fake, invisible, like I'm living in a cloud or a haze.

I just want to get better, I'm going back to the Internalist on tuesday, and I kind of don't want to, because I know she'll prescribe more drugs for a longer time. I have no appetite, I've lost 7 pounds in a week, I don't look fit or slender, I look like I'm depressed or something, and I'm not. I'm exhausted.

My sugars went High ( as in 500+, too high for a regular glucometer to read, I'm guessing my party food finally caught up with my body.), then 400s, then 174. I'm kinda proud of my 174 ( which is pathetic, since really it's still very high), and I'm so fed up too, I followed my ratio's and scales to a T today. And I still can't control it. You have no idea how excited I am to try out a DEXCOM ( a CGM) I've been on a waiting list at my endocrinologists office for a couple months, and my turn is coming soon.
Also, I kinda just want to go back on my pump again, without telling my doctor. I got way better numbers when I used it. But he doesn't want me too because the plastic they use in the infusion sites give me a bad reaction ( I'm allergic to the plastic apparently), when I remove the sites I got puncture wound looking things that got really infected. Bummer, right?

Haha funny, I just talked myself out of switching back to the pump.
My doctor ( I'll call him D.K. from now on, his name is Dr. Kelly and I actually do call him DK.) wants me to wait until the new omnipod comes out. I guess I will.


I am soooo tired, I'll post tomorrow, as usual. LOVE.
(BTW, this picture is no-edit. I took them right after a rainstorm. Isn't that crazy??)

is anyone listening?

DAYS UNTIL:
Boyfriends birthday: 3 ( oy... I have no friggin idea what I'm doing for that.)
SDSU trip: 3
Senior Prom: 18
Graduation(!!!): 39